Peripatus: nature’s walking money shot.

My latest crush, er, squish.

I blame the Davids. Winter, for first opening my world to the wonder of the walking worm. And Attenborough, for narrating the video I can not stop watching.

Peripatus, the invertebrate stumpy-legged Andy Samberg, takes a quick trigger and harnesses it for the ultimate of pick-up moves. That cricket won’t ever dance with another.

But an ejaculate hunting strategy is just the beginning of delight with these maverick arthropods. Some onychophorans have taken up live placental birth. And a 2005 study of Australia’s Euperipatoides rowelli revealed a complex and lively social life.

And, obviously, they are really fucking adorable.

mmm, cuddly. Hopefully for sale again someday.

Who knew I could fall so hard for a hydraulically mobile, pudgy-podded, fetid-earth dwelling worm? No. Please don’t answer that.

A final, cautionary note for the bottom, adventurously perverted half of my readership: I don’t care what it says in their Adult FriendFinder profile, save the money-shot dinner date until after you get home from the restaurant.