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Wasp Reverse-Bukkake

March 12, 2010

Pharyngula tacked up this video the other day of cross-phylum sexual deception.

Ah, did my heart do a pat-pat to see this tragic scene of lust misplaced — a scene I had imagined so often in my oddest scio-sexual moments — captured on vid.

That tarty orchid! She’s back! & so I went scurrying to the smutty archives to pull up a post I wrote almost two years ago.

Herewith, stale, dusty, & copied with minimal literary effort from May 2008:

& you think the last guy you slept with had a quick trigger? Can I introduce you to someone?

*come on, little fellow. don’t be shy*

He’s a bit apprehensive, & ashamed. But you can certainly forgive him for that, after what he’s gone through.

O wait. He’s coming over now! Shh, no tittering! Here’s the guy, Lissopimpla excelsa himself!

Yeah he’s a wasp from Australia. & boy did he get pwned!

Bzz, bzz, as usual one day, he catches a whiff of a most alluring sheila off in the bush. & omg as he gets close enough to see, he almost flies right into a tree, for she has got to be the finest piece of wasp tail he has ever laid eyes on. O & he’s drunk on her pheromones, she’s being coy yet come hither. & that twitch in her thorax, mmmnhh, he is overcome, his hard-on raging, he must have her. “Mount me,” whispers her scent. “Mount me, big guy” & in he swoops & just in time, too, as waspy ejaculate spews, out of control, from his, um, his…

*hey, where’s your junk come out of?*

Aw, he’s too modest to say. Let’s call it his stinger. His stinger erupts with waspman seed, as he clutches her from the back, &…o shit! wtf! omg!

& he realizes that the object of his erupting affection is, of course, that slut Australian Tongue orchid. A fucking plant! & now he’s all covered in powdery pollen crap. Ugh, fell for it again! When’s he gonna learn to stop thinking with his stinger?

& when the missus is looking at him tonight with egg fertilization on the brain, he’s gonna be in trouble.

*sorry little guy. It’s happened to most fellas at some point. chin up, chum*

& the cum-covered orchid? No guilt, the vixen. That’s just life in the jungle.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Christy permalink
    May 19, 2010 10:31 pm

    oh my … classic!

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