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86% are against tusks

March 22, 2010

If there is one indisputable reason that you must watch insecto-forensic, simian-slasher flick Phenomena, the 1985 film by Italian director Dario Argento, that reason is not

  • because we learn that “It’s perfectly normal for insects to be slightly telepathic.”
  • to appreciate how far Jennifer Connelly’s subtleties as an actor have progressed since she was 15-years-old
  • because too few film soundtracks include Motörhead and Andy Sex Gang [sic]
  • that you are looking for cinematic evidence that entomology is a soft science
  • that you are looking for cinematic evidence that primatology is a soft science
  • because you wish that more movies portrayed children with congenital facial disfigurement as terrifyingly psychotic
  • that there are too few opportunities to enjoy a delightful evening swim in a cesspool of liquifying human remains
  • that single-sex residential secondary-school educational pedagogy is a soft science

Though those are all worthy reasons. Truly.

No. Really the one reason to watch Phenomena is to behold perhaps the best t-shirt to have a walk-on role in a movie until Napoleon Dynamite.

I want this t-shirt

And not only that, but this.

& fuck the other douchebag 14%

which I think means “86% are against tusks”.

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