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Not all tentacle beasts are rapists

May 28, 2010

It doesn’t take an especially fertile mind to make the leap from tentacle to tapper-of-orifices. It’s kind of a tired trope, actually. Long, supple, articulating… *yawn*

No. Being shocked, shocked! at tentacle porn is so, oh . . . six-months-after-you’ve-first-heard-of-it. It’s time to move it to the next level, my sophisticated muffins. Time to move the next level into you:

If I have one rule in blogging life it is this: put nothing below the fold.

Here, looking as if they’ve been severed from the trumpeting trunk of the Octophant, are three brilliant hole-stuffers.

Need I say that I thoroughly approve? Thoroughly. Because sex with a living octopus is animal torture. But sex with a silicone, besuckered, prehensile, three-sized, three-colored, re-imagined tentacle dildo is the exact opposite of animal torture.

Via my new favorite scary sextoy blog Scary Sextoy Friday by way of a comment from Christy (who once acted as my 3000-mile-away proxy on a cephalopod appreciation investigation and even took video.)

& yes, you can buy them. (Title of this post is taken from the product description. Really.)

11 Comments leave one →
  1. May 28, 2010 10:45 pm

    adorable bathtub toys…
    hhmmm… now called sex toys..

    thoroughly jealous there isn’t a video.
    :P

    • May 31, 2010 10:32 pm

      Easier to light a flickering blue candle, dear Cindi, than curse that darkness… :P

  2. May 31, 2010 11:46 am

    oh my…

  3. May 31, 2010 6:44 pm

    I am crossing my legs, and I will never uncross them again.

  4. June 1, 2010 4:50 am

    This post, this blog, it’s like this post was written especially for ME. I know what I’m asking for my birthday…

    • June 1, 2010 10:08 pm

      But, just as crucially, do you know who you’re asking..?

      • June 4, 2010 3:31 am

        I have a few folks in mind; having weird friends is often quite helpful for things like this.

  5. Christy permalink
    June 3, 2010 11:59 pm

    um … check your email. seriously. remember green porn?

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